One More Day

If you only had one more day to live, what would you do?

This is a question that is often thrown around as a note of caution against procrastinating high priority items.  I'd be surprised if you haven't heard it before, and you may have even asked it a time or two.  But I wonder if we actually think about what we're asking when this question is posed.

After my car accident I was forced to consider the fragility of life.  If not for the miraculous circumstances that surrounded the event of my accident, it likely would have been my last moments on earth.  And, based on the nature of severe traumatic brain injuries, something unexpected could happen like a blood clot or an aneurysm, making it a very real likelihood that each day could potentially be my last.  As a result I began to really consider the above question, and came to the following insights:

First, this question is rarely asked to actually find out what you would choose to do if you only had one day to live.

If this question were just about your plans for your last day on this plane of existence responses would likely include visits to theme parks, long postponed travels, eating at a favourite restaurant one last time, and/meeting an individual you look up to and admire but never met.  Taken literally this question would likely lead to the creation of a person's bucket list, but I don't believe that's the point of the question or the reason it's asked in most situations.

Based on when I've seen this question used, more often than not it's asked more of an invitation to reconsider priorities than to plan an itinerary for your final 24hrs.  It's actually a kind of enforced reversed expectation.  Very rarely do we expect to die during the span of tomorrow.  Very rarely do we expect today to be the last time we spend time with our loved ones, or the last time we go into work, or the last time we have free time on our hands.  But this question invites us to reconsider our respective situations as if those expectations, our plans for live at least a few more days, were reversed.  I don't mean to sound morbid, but as someone who almost had that ultimate reversal of expectation forced upon me, let me reiterate that there is a chance that today could be your last time to do those things.

Second, this question is more about avoiding regret than anything else.

Is there anything you've said or done that you regret and wish you could take back?  In my opinion we all have such situations at one time or another.  Whether it be a word said in anger, an action taken without thought, a plan made rashly, or a tone used automatically.  We've all had those moments where we wish life had a remote and we could use the rewind button to get rid of the offending moment, big or small.  But life happens and we're not perfect, so mistakes are going to be made, and do-overs are going to be wished for.  That's just a fact of life.

As I began to consider this question after my accident, and I mean really think about it, there was one big thing that I regretted: my accident.  You see, as I began to recover the situation that led up to my accident was explained to me in greater detail.  I was driving in a rural area and came to an intersection where the roads crossed at a weird angle (something similar to option (c) below, but without a median) and only the road I was on had a stop sign.  

As I stopped at the intersection, it was easy to see any vehicles coming from the direction of the passenger's side, and I needed to look over my left shoulder to see vehicles coming from the direction of the driver's side.  I can't remember from 10min before the accident until I was brought out of my medicated coma, so what I share about this experience is technically heresy, but it's what was documented from the testimonies of witnesses.

Apparently, I stopped at a stop sign, and I then proceeded gradually into the intersection.  Based on where my injuries were, we assume that I was looking over my left shoulder, straining to see any vehicles that might be coming from the hard to see direction.  I was so focused over my shoulder that I didn't see a vehicle coming from the easy to see direction, and as a result I didn't see a car coming from the direction of the passenger's side.  Though the driver tried to slow down, even to the point that he broke his ankle, he t-boned my vehicle, meaning that he hit the vehicle I was in along the side of the car.  And, as I've mentioned in an earlier post, the car I was in was then propelled across the intersection, onto the lawn of someone's home, where I collided with a telephone pole.

As I learned about what happened, I came to understand that the fault of the incident was mine.  As was noted by the police, there was a failure to yield to oncoming traffic.  And that was my fault.  It was because of me that I was going through what I was going through, it was because of me that the other driver had a broken ankle, it was because of me that my family were struggling to support me and deal with the ramifications of the situation (i.e., living out of a suitcase so they could be close to the hospital where I was now being cared for).  I despised myself for being the reason for all of this, and for the longest time I couldn't get over that.  I actually believed that they would be better off without me than what they were currently having to deal with, and it wasn't a walk in the park for me either.  That was until I came to understand a third thing about this invitation for reversed expectations, that

Third, this question is impactful only through the use and application of the final word of the question itself: do.

This question invites us to consider what could be done better if we were to view today as our last.  But that consideration is nothing without then doing differently moving forward.  And I believe that where we are, and the path we are striving to follow (what we are earnestly doing) is much more important than what we have done in the past that may have gotten us to that point.

Essentially, I realized that there is only power in this question if we allow ourselves to then be inspired to do.  If today was the last day you could see your loved ones how would you treat them?  Is it differently than you've treated them?  If so, make the change and do it moving forward.  If today was the last day you went to work how would you act?  Is it different from how you acted at work today?  If so, make the change and do it moving forward.  If today was the last day you had some free time on your hands how would you use that time?  Is if different than how you actually used that time?  If so, make the change and do it moving forward.

Yes, I regretted what had happened and the fact that it was my fault.  I wanted to do better and be better, but focusing merely on that fact and not then doing anything else would just lead to more regrets, more lost opportunities, more days where I didn't do what I would like to do if it were my last.

For this question that promotes reversed expectations to have any value, that final word must become a pattern of continuous action.

To conclude I turn again to the was I started and ask you, if you only had one more day to live, what would you do?