Gratitude Post - March 30, 2023

I'm grateful for smartphones!

Smartphones, and how they are used today, are definitely a reversed expectation.  The telephone was invented based on an idea that Alexander Graham Bell had about transmitting speech electrically.  Smartphones of today are, more often than not, used for anything but transmitting speech.  Instead they're used to transmit text and pictures, to connect to forms of social media, to receive reminders and maintain a schedule, to take pictures, to play video games, to use a myriad of apps, and to access the boundless information available on the internet.  In fact, I know some people that have never used their current cell phone for an actual phone call.  

I can't imagine how perplexed Mr. Bell would be if he saw how the latest version of his invention is used today.

That being said, I'm very grateful for these other functionalities that phones have.  It may be a reversed expectation from what a phone was invented to be, but it definitely helps make life easier and provides additional ways to communicate over long distances.

Gratitude Post - March 29, 2023

I'm grateful for wrinkles!

The expectation or assumption of what wrinkles are is a sign of age.  But what are wrinkles in actuality?  Wrinkles are the creases left behind from repetitive use.

It's not a matter of age, but a matter of use.  For instance, someone who smiles a lot, regardless of their age, will begin to wrinkles at the corner of their eyes.  It's much like the practice of origami.  A piece of paper will not naturally hold the desired shape if left to its own devices, no matter how old that piece of paper gets.  But as creases are made, and then remade as they're enforced into the structure of the paper, then the shape will be maintained.  Age merely facilitates an increased number of times that a crease can be made, because there's a greater amount of time, greater opportunity for those creases to be repeated.

I'm grateful for the wrinkles that emphasize the creases that we choose to repeat, the creases that re-emphasize our character.

Gratitude Post - March 28, 2023

I'm grateful for cracked phone screens!

First off, you should know that I'm notorious for dropping my phone, though 'dropping' may not be the correct word.  It's more that my phone falls because I forget it's current location.  For example, I'll take my phone out of my pocket to check a recently received text/email and then place it on my thigh.  But then I'll forget that I put it there, and when I stand up there goes my phone.  Another regular occurrence is me sitting in a chair that's shorter than my calves.  So, when I sit down the pocket that has my phone in it is on a backwards angle, and the next thing I know my phone is on the floor.

Historically I've actually gotten away with this, and other than a few nicks on the sides of the phone, it's looked like it's never been dropped.  But that changed with my current phone.  This one must have been 'dropped' more than any of my previous phones, or maybe it's just fallen from a greater height.  But regardless of the reason, the screen is cracked, and a chunk of the upper right hand corner of the screen is actually missing.

Since I've never experienced a cracked phone screen before, I assumed that it would be a huge hassle and frustration, and that it would lead to a sooner replacement.  Luckily, that hasn't been the case for me.  The phone still works fine, though I sometimes think there's a hair on the screen that is actually one of the cracks.  No hassle and no real frustration!  Additionally, I think this phone may end up being the one that lasts the longest.  The fact that I've cracked the screen has woken in me my desire to actually care for and be aware of my phone.  Though the 'dropped' phone still happens every once in a while, it's become much less frequent and I think I may actually unlearn the habits that led to the cracks in the first place.

Gratitude Post - March 27, 2023

I'm grateful for unsaved work!

Unsaved work, when something happens, often gets lost and ends up being unretrievable.  That being said, the motivation or meaning of those paragraphs is remembered by the author.  And those few extra moments to consider and ruminate on the intended message will, more often than not, lead to a better finished product.

This is something I wish I had fully understood when attending elementary and high school.  As I've mentioned before, in my youth my motto when it came to schooling was, if it didn't get done in class it didn't get done.  This worked for me, and I still came through the other end of that part of my educational career having done quite well.  I actually believed that additional editing wouldn't bring any added value, and so there was no point to do anything beyond what was completed in class.  But, based on this gratitude post and what I'm seeing because of it, I think if I had learned the value of a bit more time to consider and re-hash what I was trying to say in my mind I could have done better, and would have been better prepared for University and my working career.

However, I'm actually learning it fully while working on a blog and considering my lost blog post and the rewritten version.  Not what I would have expected growing up, but a wonderful reversal!

Unsuspected Opportunities

By definition, an opportunity is a favourable, appropriate, or advantageous combination of circumstances.

And, more often than not, opportunities are overlooked, misunderstood, or unnoticed entirely.  But it is the unsuspected opportunity that often brings about the greatest dividends if we can just stay out of our own way and allow ourselves to expand our own horizons and capitalize on the chance for growth inherent in the opportunity itself.

When I was in elementary school I had the privilege of trying out to attend, and being accepted to Lester B. Pearson: School for the Arts.  This school is for students in grades 4-8 and provides instruction within the regular mandated curriculum (i.e., English, Math, Science, Social Studies, etc.), but also introduces students to the world of the arts, providing classes like drama, dance, vocal, keyboard (aka piano), instrumental, vocal, and visual arts (i.e., drawing, painting, etc.).  It was an amazing opportunity, and one I'm definitely grateful to have had.  But this is a known/foreseen opportunity, so it's not what I'm wanting to focus on.  The unsuspected opportunity was brought about as a direct result of taking this known opportunity.

Each grade at Pearson had 56 students in two classes, 28 in each.  In grade 4, other than having different home room teachers, it really didn't matter which class you were a part of.  Every class was the same: we had Math, Science, French, Phys Ed., and Home Room (included English and Social Studies) as well as Dance, Drama, Visual Art, Keyboard, Vocal, Vocal Theory, and Instrumental.  In grade 4, Instrumental meant recorder.  We were taught the basics of reading music and learned how to play recorders quite proficiently, including the opportunity to try alto, tenor, and bass recorders.  After that year, and based upon the talent exhibited during our time with recorders, we were placed in one of two paths for our studies in instruments: string or wind/brass.  The string path, as you might guess, included instruments like violin, cello, and bass while the wind/brass path included clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, tuba, and others like that.

As a nine year old I really wanted the wind/brass path.  As I look back I'm not sure if I really understood why I wanted that, but that was my desire.  And I got it!  I was super excited about the opportunity, and later learned that it was a direct result of an unsuspected opportunity.  I had thought and expected that the chance of going to the one class or the other was 50/50.  Turns out, that expectation was reversed by a simple statement made by my mom.  In passing my mom told the teacher of the wind/brass instrument path just how much my older brother enjoyed being in her class, and that my parents were hoping that I would have a similar experience.  This wonderful teacher took that statement as an expression of preference on what path I should be placed on, and that was taken into consideration, with some weight placed upon it, when the decision was made.  Now I'm not sure what things would have been like if that comment hadn't been made, and I may have still gone to the same class regardless.  But this unsuspected opportunity that created this reversed expectation also set me on the path to become who I am today.

From this I learned that unsuspected opportunities are often provided to you by others.

It is often another person's desire and willingness to assist you, or maybe a project you're working on, that expose you to opportunities that you had never thought could be yours, which also introduce reversed expectations into your life.  But in case you're thinking this may only be true in situations like this, where other people, like parental guardians, make a side comments that opens doors, let me provide another example from my adult life.

As you may recall from my earlier blog post, Following a Disjointed Path, after a rather convoluted route in my career I ended up at TELUS.  Well, about 1 1/2 years after I became a full-time employee I expressed interest to my manager and director that I would like to expand my role to include other areas of responsibility.  Specifically, I asked if it would be possible for me to branch into the realm of business strategy.  And, as a result of this request, I was invited to assist a senior strategy manager reporting into my director with a number of his areas of focus.  One of the major tasks I was asked to assist with was the scorecard for the entire CSO (Chief Security Office).  And if you're wondering what a scorecard is, it's a consolidated view of key metrics, often referred to as KPIs (Key Performance Indicators), that provide an accurate view of the state of the business.

To be honest, as I began to dip my toes into scorecard development and consolidation, I was introduced to the scorecard primes for each directorate within the CSO and I cam to learn one thing: scorecard primes often stay scorecard primes for their entire career due to the specific skill set required to do scorecards well.  And that actually got me a little worried since scorecards was not what I wanted to be the focus of my career.  That being said, a mentor of mine had told me something that I decided to strive to emulate.  He said,

Take every opportunity you can!

So, I took the opportunity, and I dove into scorecard work.  Every quarter I worked with the scorecard primes to obtain the necessary metrics from their respective teams, and I then consolidated the information to create a high-level view into how business was going for the CSO, and to paint a picture of where the team was excelling as well as the potential areas of improvement.  This information was then provided to our VP who was also the Chief Security Officer, and certain parts were then input into scorecards at higher levels of the company.  It was really cool to get a glimpse into the inner workings of such a large company, and to better understand where the established priorities at every level came from.  But that was more or less what I was expecting from this opportunity, it doesn't take into account the unsuspected opportunity.

The unsuspected opportunity hidden within this experience was visibility.  Initially, as I just stated working with scorecards, I only interacted with the scorecard primes for each directorate and the senior strategy manager I was assisting, and that's all I expected this opportunity to lead to.  But the reversed expectation was seen when, by the second quarter of me working with our scorecards, I was included in regular calls with the directors themselves, not just their respective scorecard primes.  And pretty soon I was no longer just passing information on to our senior strategy manager, instead I was pulling together summaries to be approved by my director prior to being sent directly to my VP, and in some cases that same summary was forwarded on to our Senior VP and on up the level of command.  But that's not all, I was also being included in leadership team calls for the entire CSO, coming to know each individual there, and they each knew me.  My network expanded drastically, and I learned a lot from each of those exceptional men and women.

From this it was driven home that unsuspected opportunities are, more often than not, created through our willingness to take the known/obvious opportunities.

 So, to recap, with regard to unsuspected opportunities I've learned 6 things:

1. Take Every Opportunity You Can - whether's it's a known or unsuspected opportunity, grab hold of it and use it for all it's worth cause that opportunity may not be available to you ever again.
2. Unsuspected Opportunities Are Often Provided By Others - it is because of the kindness of others that may opportunities are opened to us, so don't treat anyone with contempt or as a pawn; instead treat them as a valued member of your network, because that's what they are.
3. Unsuspected Opportunities Unveil Reversed Expectations - don't get so wrapped up in your expectations that you fail to welcome the reversed expectations found within unsuspected opportunities since they will likely far exceed what you had expected would, or even could occur.
4. Unsuspected Opportunities Create The Groundwork For The Future - in my experience the unsuspected opportunities rarely lead to the fantastic end-state you might be hoping for, but they do fertilize the garden of opportunity, providing fruit that you'll be able to fall back on when/if you run into roadblocks or obstacles as you move forward.
5. Unsuspected Opportunities Are Often Created By Our Willingness - willingness or desire is essential for any opportunity to actually lead to something of value in your life, and from what I've seen this especially true for the unsuspected opportunity.  If you are not willing, or don't desire growth and improvement in every way, opportunities will be untaken.
6. Untaken Opportunities Lead To Less Opportunities - though not specifically seen in my examples noted here, it is noticed when opportunities aren't taken.  It's noticed by you, often leading to complacency.  It's noticed by leadership (whatever leadership might look like for you), often leading to less of a willingness to provide greater known opportunities.  It's noticed by your peers, often leading to less of a willingness to provide future unsuspected opportunities.

Gratitude Post - March 24, 2023

I'm grateful for double jointed joints!

Our bodies are exceptional!  Each part has a specific role that it plays to enable the body to work as a whole.  Included in that are our joints.  As a song from my childhood said, 

It is our joints, our hinges, that enable all bodily activity.

But this is enabled as they operate within their predefined pattern.  Knuckles bend in one direction, other joints are of the socket variety, but each is expected to operate in a specific fashion.  Double jointedness is, in essence, a reversed expectation with regard to the use of these joints/hinges.  But even this reversed expectation only illustrates the exceptional abilities and functionalities of our bodies.

Gratitude Post - March 23, 2023

I'm grateful for vehicles coming back from the mechanics!

Our vehicle has been in for repairs since early December.  A part was on backorder, and it only came in today.  But, based on the wait time we've experienced, our vehicle was placed as a priority, and we were able to pick-up our newly repaired vehicle before the end of the workday.  And I must say it truly is nice to have your own vehicle back.

But, as with most situations with live, there's a flip side to the coin.

The usual expectation when a vehicle needs to be serviced or repaired is that things will be better and easier once your vehicle is back in your possession.  When your vehicle isn't in for repairs, it's at your beck and call.  You need to do a last minute trip to the grocery store, no problem.  You want to drive out and capitalize on Dairy Queen's BOGO deal on blizzards, go for it.  There are no holds on what you can choose to do with your vehicle because it's at your disposal to do with as you please.  

The rarely thought of downside to this situation is that the more you drive your vehicle, the more likely something will happen to your vehicle that will require it to go in for repairs again, even if it's just regular wear and tear.  Because of the span of time that our repair was expected to take we had access to a rental while our vehicle was unavailable.  And as we now begin driving our own vehicle once again, I can't help but wince at the thought that we're once again putting the wear and tear on our vehicle, rather than the rental.

But even this is worth being grateful for as it invites a reevaluation of the value and worth of using the vehicle.  Whenever I went to drive somewhere today the question popped into my head, since this is our vehicle, do I really need to drive?  And though for today the answer was yes in every situation, I'm grateful for that moment to reevaluate whether there's an actual need, and whether taking the vehicle is actually a value add in the situation.

Gratitude Post - March 22, 2023

I'm grateful for tinted windows!

Tinted windows are such a blessing when driving.  The amount of sun that they're able to block is quite exceptional.  It helps minimize not only eyestrain from the brightness of the sun, but it also minimizes the one-sided sun burn one mimight get while driving.

But tinted windows are really a reversed expectation when looked at from the purpose for which they are usually purchased, namely to dissuade and discourage people from looking in.  But due to the nature of mankind such a use of tint merely intrigues others, often inspiring them to find less conventional ways to see this blocked view.

Gratitude Post - March 21, 2023

I'm grateful for the change in seasons!

It's fantastic to live in a country where all four seasons do happen (though not necessarily for equal amounts of time).  I really enjoy being able to experience the variety of weather and different forms of beauty found within Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter.  Though I most definitely play favourites when it comes to the seasons, I truly do appreciate each one.

But though it is wonderful to live in a country where all four seasons are experienced and therefore can be appreciated, that country is Canada which means you may have a single day where you'll experience a microcosm of each season within a few hours.  Despite it being Summer, you may still experience a day of Wintry snowfall.  And though downpours are usually the domain of Spring and Autumn, here they can occur on any day of the year, regardless of the season.  And the Summer heat, though it's rare to get to quite the same level, you can still get pretty close to that in some parts of the country in the middle of January.  One usually expects a specific type of experience based on the season, but sadly that is not the case.  But, similar to the gratitude I feel for the reversed expectation of the cleared schedule, the reversed expectation of the weather you'll experience despite the time of the year helps build adaptability.  And though it's a bit cliche, it does help build character.  The fortitude and resilience that can come through sporadic days of unexpected weather is something that cannot be built based solely on a wish or a hope.

Gratitude Post - March 20, 2023

I'm grateful for trainers!

Whether you're being trained for a new job or in a new technique for a hobby you enjoy, you often engage with someone to help train you.  This trainer, more often than not, will have a set path in mind that you will follow to achieve mastery of the task they're training you on.  If you're being trained in calculous, you first have to know how to count, then how to do addition and subtraction, than multiplication and division, and the path progresses through to mastery of calculous.  The same can be said of more artistic endeavours: before you can paint a masterpiece you must first be trained on how to distinguish colours, what it artistic composition means, and how to achieve certain effects with what paintbrushes and what techniques.

But are those expected and planned paths absolutely necessary?  In my experience, though those expectations are the standard way to achieve competence, and even mastery of a given ability, they are in no way the only way to do it.  There are many who bypass a step or two, or even a whole slew of them along the way.  In fact, if the standard path were all that was ever followed we'd have missed out on a lot of the "greats" or the inventions that become common place today.  If we had only done math with the use of an abacus without any potential deviation, we probably wouldn't have calculators.  And if we only painted with the use of paintbrushes, we'd have lost out on a lot of the artwork of David Pollock.  And in our own lives, without experimentation outside of the expected path set out by trainers, we likely won't achieve our full potential or see what new advancements can be made in whatever areas we choose to pursue.  It is the expectations of others, the expectations of standard practice and long followed patterns, that in many cases we must choose to do the reverse of as we strive to do and be our very best.

Fairy Tales - The Reversed Reversed Expectation

Fairy tales, at least those depicted by Disney, center around the idea of achieving happily ever after!

Cinderella gets to go to the ball and ends up having the prince search her out to marry her...and they live happily ever after.

Aurora is rescued from a fire-breathing dragon and ends up finding true love...and they live happily ever after.

Ariel gets to have the life she wants and ends up being able to find a balance between her two worlds...and they live happily ever after.

Snow White is able to return to the palace and ends up coming to know her true heritage...and they live happily ever after.

Even other stories that Disney chose to illustrate ended up having a similar story arc - Pongo and Percy are reunited with their puppies and quite a few more before living happily ever after, Simba is able to return home, revenge his father and bring balance to the pride lands before living happily ever after, and Lady and Tramp are able to find a way to be together and then live happily ever after.

As a child I grew up watching these movies and came to believe that happily ever after was real and attainable in this life.  I came to believe that my life story would go something like this: protagonist (me) grows up, progressing intellectually, physically, and psychologically until one day an antagonist appears that provides a significant and notable challenge that, once overcome, would open the way to smooth sailing.  Of course, I thought it would be grounded more in reality than the Disney movies I referred to above, but I really thought that would be the general story.

In the event that you haven't read some of my earlier posts and the reversed expectations I've already talked about, my life hasn't aligned with that ideology.  In fact, when it comes to life, the idea of happily ever after, as depicted by Disney, would seem to be the epitome of a reversed expectation.  

Life hasn't learned that it could follow the script of a Disney writer.

Life has its ups and downs, and at times it would seem that the downs outweigh the ups.  You don't make it on the sports team you had hoped to be a part of, so you turn to art.  Your artwork isn't chosen for the exhibition you dreamed of, so you transition to another area of focus.  You don't get chosen for your desired promotion, so you move to another team.  Your new team ends up being downsized, so you end up looking for new work.  The opportunities for challenges and downturns in the path of life are endless.  And if you're a religious person, and have faith that doing good will lead to good in the end, sometimes that "good in the end" for you might not be until the next life.  As the author Sheri Dew has titled one of her books, "If Life Were Easy It Wouldn't Be Hard".  Though there's value and lessons to be learned from the hard times, sometimes those hard times are a little much and we just wish for the happily ever after Disney captured in their movies.

That being said, I would argue that life and happily ever after are able to coexist, their relationship is just a bit more complicated than the fictional relationship captured by Disney.

But since I'm using movies as analogies for life, why stop here?  The relationship between life and happily ever after is better depicted by the moves animated by Pixar, where the things hoped for are achieved in a different way than initially thought.  Ratatouille is able to cook, but only through an intermediary.  Sully and Mike are able to help Monstropolis, but only by tapping into an unexpected source of power.  Flik is able to save the ant colony, but through a group of clowns.  

I think the movie that best illustrates how this complicated relationship between life and happily ever after work in reality is the movie Onward (if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend not reading the rest of this post and going to watch it as the next few paragraphs will contain some serious spoilers).  

The movie takes place in a world where magic used to exist, but it wasn't the easiest to master.  As a result, society as a whole progressed towards technology to do things previously only provided by the few people considered proficient in magic.  As technological advancement progressed, those choosing the arduous task of mastering magic dwindled until the knowledge of it was lost.  This is the world that two elf brothers find themselves as they live with their widowed mother.  The younger brother turns 16 and their mom provides the two boys with a gift from their father, a magician's staff and a spell that would bring him back to life for a single day.  They then embark on a quest to find a magical stone to fuel the spell.  As the movies progresses the younger brother creates a list of what he wants to experience with his father during that single day.  But, as regularly happens in life, the movie doesn't quite go as planned and they end up only have a few minutes of time with their dad in the midst of fighting a dragon.  The younger brother steps up to take on the fight and sends his older brother to spend time with their father since he realizes that everything he wanted to have with his dad he had experience with his brother, who had filled the father figure in his life all along.

That's what I think happily ever after means in reality, a state only achieved as we shift our perspective to account for the curveballs life throws at us.

Sure you didn't get the promotion you had hoped for, but maybe the experience will prepare you to apply for and then receive an offer of employment for a position that exceeds it.  Leading to you achieving the goal of providing for your family at the level you had hoped.  Sure you had always dreamed of living a life that would be remembered, but maybe you'll only be remembered in your roles as son, brother, and father, where you have an impact to effect generations.

So though happily ever after may not be in the fashion depicted by Disney, in Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, or Snow White, it is attainable in this life if we just shift the perspectives with which we view the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Gratitude Post - March 17, 2023

I'm grateful for lesser holidays!

Please note that this is not a comment on St Patrick's day being a lesser holiday.  It being St Patrick's day just got me thinking about holidays, and it led me to think of some of the holidays that are often overlooked, which is what I classify as lesser in this post, not that even those holidays are less important or have less value than others.

In my mind, a holiday is something that's truly celebrated.  A day to find greater enjoyment than you would in another day of the year due to the fact that it is the given holiday, and you look forward to that day year after year.

Lesser holidays, on the other hand, are holidays that are often overlooked.  It might be because you are going through a hectic time in your life, or you didn't celebrate the holiday growing up so it doesn't come to your mind as something to celebrate, or maybe you just couldn't be bothered to prepare for a such a celebration.  Regardless of the reason, lesser holidays are often chosen not to be celebrated, and no one really is concerned because of it.

I'm grateful for these lesser holidays (and there's something on almost every day of the year), because they help remind us that secondary, or even tertiary things are worth celebrating.  You had a good day in the midst of a hard week?  That's worth celebrating!  You had a hard day, and you actually made it through it unscathed?  That's worth celebrating too!!!  It may not be a huge, pop the cork off some bubbly kind of celebration, but it's worth recognizing and celebrating those little things.

Gratitude Post - March 16, 2023

I'm grateful for clear schedules!

Have you ever had one of thise days where your schedule is empty, or nearly empty?  It's happened to me a few times, and it always gets me excited.  I immediately start thinking about what I can accomplish with an empty schedule.  There's no real limit to the level of productivity you can achieve when you're not having to stop what you're doing to attend a meeting.  Because a meeting doesn't just remove you from your prioritized tasks for just the duration of the meeting.  You end up needing at least 10-15 minutes before the meeting to prepare, and at least 30 minutes after the meeting to get back in the right headspace to tackle the task at hand. 

Now, if you answered yes to my opening question, you probably won't be surprised by this next question.  Have your plans for your clear schedule ever actually gone according to plan?  If it has, please let me know your secrets!

In my experience, a clear schedule is an invitation for colleagues to reach out with questions, for customers to voice a concern that must be addressed, and for processes to go awry with you being the only one who can help.  And it's this reversed expectation that helps teach adaptability and prepares you for the ambiguity of the future.   And I am definitely grateful for that.

Gratitude Post - March 15, 2023

I'm grateful for not winning!

Any time you don't win something that you had been in the running for it's a disappointing experience, but not winning is also an invitation in three parts: an invitation to try again, an invitation to reassess, and an invitation to do better.

Whenever I don't win, or in other words I lose, I've learned that I tend to have one of two reactions.  I either feel dejected, down on myself, and begin to question why I even thought that I could win in the first place, or I feel motivated to try again, and to try a little harder the next time.  It's my choice whether I allow the situation to beat myself up or motivate me, and invite me to try again.

Losing, or not winning, is usually a result of a number of factors.  For example, it could be entirely based on your opponent just being better than you.  But it could also be because you didn't practice hard or long enough, or maybe you made a wrong decision in the heat of the moment that triggered a downhill spiral that ultimately led to the loss.  In either case there is the invitation to reassess your strategy, your opponent, and your preparation.

Ultimately, not winning opens the door for improvement.

So, despite the disappointment of the experience, of not winning, there's a reversed expectation hidden within a lose that can motivate an individual as they move forward to try again, to reassess, and ultimately to improve.  Which begs the question, did you really not win?

Gratitude Post - March 14, 2023

I'm grateful for teardrops 💧!

I've always been impressed by the shape and movement of a droplet of water.  The fluid, graceful movement as it streams from one point to the next and travels downward until it drips or drops to its final location.  A calm and peaceful demonstration of how the natural world embodies grace.  And teardrops are no different.  As a tear forms along the bottom lip of your eye, it then smoothly separates itself and glides down its path along your cheek.

I find it interesting how this graceful, peaceful form is released from such exuberant emotions.  If you take the time to consider the release of emotion that elicits teardrops, you'll realize that they're rather exuberant emotions, prone to sudden changes and general upheaval.  And that can be said for any end of the spectrum, whether you're crying because of an expression of sadness and despair, because you're filled with joy to the point of tears, because your anger ha triggered tears of frustration, or because you've laughed so hard that you've cried.  In each and every case, the feelings that are being released are in juxtaposition to the simple, graceful, diminutive form of a teardrop.  Indeed, you could say that the minimalist nature of a tear drop is a stark reversed expectation based on the emotions that evoke them.

But I'm grateful for the release inherent within a tear drop.  The release of feeling, the release of grief, the release of anxiety, the release of hope, the release of joy.  It is with great feeling that a small, droplet of water, a tear drop, is formed and then gracefully proceed down your face to drop to the ground, or be mopped up unceremoniously by a tissue or a handkerchief.

Gratitude Post - March 13

I'm grateful for broken things!

I love when a child, in their innocence and unwavering faith, present something broken to a trusted adult.  There is no question in the child's mind that the proffered broken item can be fixed, mended, or repaired and that this adult will be able to do just that.  From the child's perspective the outcome is not in question, it's just a matter of time.

Similarly, I love when I have something that's broken that has an associated warranty, or there's an available support line.  It is such a comfort knowing that the manufacturer or a trained support professional is available to fix, mend, or repair the broken item I proffer to them.  And it doesn't matter what the item is, whether it's your vehicle or your internet connection, it's such a comfort to know that someone is available to take care of the situation.

I recently went through this with our internet connection.  One of the pods we utilize to extend the reach of our wifi throughout our home stopped working.  It was wonderful to be able to call into the necessary support team, get the problem addressed and corrected, and then receive financial compensation for the issue.  We're also currently going through the same type of problem with our vehicle.  It broke down on the highway a few months ago and requires a part be replaced.  The wonderful thing is that the parts under warranty.  So despite it being a fairly pricey fix, that's covered, and during the months of waiting for the part to come in (it's on back order) they're also paying for a us to use a rental vehicle.  Not only is the item going to be fixed, but the negative impacts of the situation are being mitigated.

There are two main reasons why I'm grateful for broken things as depicted in these two situations.  First, I'm grateful for the example of a child knowing who they can turn to in faith, and then doing so without question.  There's a lot we can learn from that, whether it be in our dependence on the higher power we believe in, or turning to competent professionals who can assist us in addressing broken things or situations.  Second, I'm grateful for the knowledge that broken things can be fixed, mended, or repaired.  All too often I would categorize myself as broken.  I struggle with imperfections, or I make a mistake repeatedly, or I just can't seem to understand something despite going over it time and time again, and I consider myself broken.  In these situations it's a comfort to know that broken things, even myself, can be fixed, mended, or repaired.  I can practice where I feel I'm imperfect, and thereby improve.  I can seek guidance and support to ensure my mistakes turn into strengths.  I can put forward concerted effort and seek outside aids and resources and thereby come to better understand.  I can see that broken things can be fixed, even when the thing that is broken is me.

One More Day

If you only had one more day to live, what would you do?

This is a question that is often thrown around as a note of caution against procrastinating high priority items.  I'd be surprised if you haven't heard it before, and you may have even asked it a time or two.  But I wonder if we actually think about what we're asking when this question is posed.

After my car accident I was forced to consider the fragility of life.  If not for the miraculous circumstances that surrounded the event of my accident, it likely would have been my last moments on earth.  And, based on the nature of severe traumatic brain injuries, something unexpected could happen like a blood clot or an aneurysm, making it a very real likelihood that each day could potentially be my last.  As a result I began to really consider the above question, and came to the following insights:

First, this question is rarely asked to actually find out what you would choose to do if you only had one day to live.

If this question were just about your plans for your last day on this plane of existence responses would likely include visits to theme parks, long postponed travels, eating at a favourite restaurant one last time, and/meeting an individual you look up to and admire but never met.  Taken literally this question would likely lead to the creation of a person's bucket list, but I don't believe that's the point of the question or the reason it's asked in most situations.

Based on when I've seen this question used, more often than not it's asked more of an invitation to reconsider priorities than to plan an itinerary for your final 24hrs.  It's actually a kind of enforced reversed expectation.  Very rarely do we expect to die during the span of tomorrow.  Very rarely do we expect today to be the last time we spend time with our loved ones, or the last time we go into work, or the last time we have free time on our hands.  But this question invites us to reconsider our respective situations as if those expectations, our plans for live at least a few more days, were reversed.  I don't mean to sound morbid, but as someone who almost had that ultimate reversal of expectation forced upon me, let me reiterate that there is a chance that today could be your last time to do those things.

Second, this question is more about avoiding regret than anything else.

Is there anything you've said or done that you regret and wish you could take back?  In my opinion we all have such situations at one time or another.  Whether it be a word said in anger, an action taken without thought, a plan made rashly, or a tone used automatically.  We've all had those moments where we wish life had a remote and we could use the rewind button to get rid of the offending moment, big or small.  But life happens and we're not perfect, so mistakes are going to be made, and do-overs are going to be wished for.  That's just a fact of life.

As I began to consider this question after my accident, and I mean really think about it, there was one big thing that I regretted: my accident.  You see, as I began to recover the situation that led up to my accident was explained to me in greater detail.  I was driving in a rural area and came to an intersection where the roads crossed at a weird angle (something similar to option (c) below, but without a median) and only the road I was on had a stop sign.  

As I stopped at the intersection, it was easy to see any vehicles coming from the direction of the passenger's side, and I needed to look over my left shoulder to see vehicles coming from the direction of the driver's side.  I can't remember from 10min before the accident until I was brought out of my medicated coma, so what I share about this experience is technically heresy, but it's what was documented from the testimonies of witnesses.

Apparently, I stopped at a stop sign, and I then proceeded gradually into the intersection.  Based on where my injuries were, we assume that I was looking over my left shoulder, straining to see any vehicles that might be coming from the hard to see direction.  I was so focused over my shoulder that I didn't see a vehicle coming from the easy to see direction, and as a result I didn't see a car coming from the direction of the passenger's side.  Though the driver tried to slow down, even to the point that he broke his ankle, he t-boned my vehicle, meaning that he hit the vehicle I was in along the side of the car.  And, as I've mentioned in an earlier post, the car I was in was then propelled across the intersection, onto the lawn of someone's home, where I collided with a telephone pole.

As I learned about what happened, I came to understand that the fault of the incident was mine.  As was noted by the police, there was a failure to yield to oncoming traffic.  And that was my fault.  It was because of me that I was going through what I was going through, it was because of me that the other driver had a broken ankle, it was because of me that my family were struggling to support me and deal with the ramifications of the situation (i.e., living out of a suitcase so they could be close to the hospital where I was now being cared for).  I despised myself for being the reason for all of this, and for the longest time I couldn't get over that.  I actually believed that they would be better off without me than what they were currently having to deal with, and it wasn't a walk in the park for me either.  That was until I came to understand a third thing about this invitation for reversed expectations, that

Third, this question is impactful only through the use and application of the final word of the question itself: do.

This question invites us to consider what could be done better if we were to view today as our last.  But that consideration is nothing without then doing differently moving forward.  And I believe that where we are, and the path we are striving to follow (what we are earnestly doing) is much more important than what we have done in the past that may have gotten us to that point.

Essentially, I realized that there is only power in this question if we allow ourselves to then be inspired to do.  If today was the last day you could see your loved ones how would you treat them?  Is it differently than you've treated them?  If so, make the change and do it moving forward.  If today was the last day you went to work how would you act?  Is it different from how you acted at work today?  If so, make the change and do it moving forward.  If today was the last day you had some free time on your hands how would you use that time?  Is if different than how you actually used that time?  If so, make the change and do it moving forward.

Yes, I regretted what had happened and the fact that it was my fault.  I wanted to do better and be better, but focusing merely on that fact and not then doing anything else would just lead to more regrets, more lost opportunities, more days where I didn't do what I would like to do if it were my last.

For this question that promotes reversed expectations to have any value, that final word must become a pattern of continuous action.

To conclude I turn again to the was I started and ask you, if you only had one more day to live, what would you do?

Gratitude Post - March 10, 2023

I'm grateful for pursuits of equity!

As you may or may not be aware, yesterday, March 8, was International Women's Day.  A time to celebrate the contributions of women to the world at large, to remember the women who pioneering efforts paved the way for female representation in previously (or currently) male dominated professions, to recommit to pursuing equity between the sexes.

Whenever such topics are discussed, you often hear the words equity and equality, which are often expected to be understood to mean the same things.  I'm grateful that they aren't the same thing, and that equity is what we pursue.  And I'm grateful when my expectation that equity and equality were synonyms was reversed, and the differences of the two were explained to me.

Equality = everyone is provided the exact same thing and expected to be able to utilize it to achieve the desired end goal

Equity = everyone is given the opportunity to succeed by being provided with the tools that enable them to go from wherever they are to the desired end goal

Some may say that the differences between the two are minimal, but in the pictured example above we can really see ho equity is a concept that enables all people, whereas equality is a concept that enables some while ostracizing others.

Gratitude Post - March 9, 2023

I'm grateful for second chances!

Second chances are, in my opinion, one of the greatest, and most positive forms of reversed expectations.  

More often than not, we're our own toughest critics.  And we often expect perfection of ourselves, or at least as close to perfect as humanly possible.  As a result of this natural tendency towards perfectionism, if we don't get it perfect we end up beating ourselves up for our failings that we fail to consider that we likely have a second chance available to us.

And if that's not a mentality you struggle with, maybe this next one fits with your internal self-talk.

We know that we're able to begin again, but the thought of starting over is disheartening.  We don't want to have to begin from scratch, don't want to have to redo things that were actually good enough, and we definitely don't want to have to tackle where we made the mistake all over again just in case we're not capable enough to actually be successful.

Though I'm not 100% sure, my bet is one of the above perspectives appears in your own life from time to time.  I know that they seem to take turns in the spotlight on the stage that is my mind.  But, I've learned that those thoughts just aren't true.  In almost every situation, second chances are available.  And as the saying goes, if you're beginning again you're not starting with nothing, you're starting with experience. 

Gratitude Post - March 8, 2023

I'm grateful for 1 1/2 syllable words!

Most linguists would probably disagree with me in saying that 1 1/2 syllable words even exist, and indeed 1 1/2 syllables is not something one would expect.  But in response, I present to you Exhibit A.

Exhibit A:

    

Is SMILE a one syllable word?  Not really.  There's definitely more there than a simple tone of sound.

Is SMILE a two syllable word?  Again, the answer is not really.

In the word smile, and almost every word that rhymes with smile, there isn't quite two beats though there's definitely more than one.  Even my own name is part of this group.  And though they're classified a one syllable words in any form of dictionary you look in, based on what I hear whenever these words are said, I really think the 1 1/2 syllable category exists, a reversed expectation for who arelinguistically inclined.  

So, if you wile away your time, choosing to smile while walking down the aisle.  Your style best not be vile as you trial 1 1/2 syllable words.

Gratitude Post - March 7, 2023

I'm grateful for tasty food concoctions!

I really enjoy going into the friďge, finding whatever leftovers have been there the longest, and making a meal around that.  I call the results "concoctions".  And though I'm getting pretty good at using spices and combinations that are better than just edible, it doesn't always end up si well. 

To manage my own expectations, I always take the first bite of a concoction expecting it to be terrible.  More often than not I'm pleasantly surprised, and believe me when I say that ine of the best reversed expectations!  It's such a wonderful thing when you throw a bunch of leftovers together, add some spices, and end up with something you hope you can recreate next time.

Gratitude Post - March 6, 2023

I'm grateful for plot twists!

Plot twists are a really interesting literary technique, being able to turn things on their side without stepping outside the realm of the possible.  Whenever we watch a TV show or read a book, we suspend our disbelief to a certain extent so that we can immerse ourselves in the world that's been created.  But if those plot twists are outside the realm of believability, that suspension of disbelief is broken and we'll end up rejecting the entire premise behind the show.  Conversely, without plot twists, stories can become too predictable, leading many to lose interest quite quickly.  It's a fine line to walk (or write), but when done properly it really pulls you in and creates a new level of investment in finding out what happens next.  

And it's not just the fictional world that has plot twists.  How many times have you experienced a plot twist in your own life?  Maybe a friend you believed to be dependable suddenly lets you down, or you end up being passed over for a already promised promotion.  Maybe a scheduled vacation is improved through better weather than expected, or you win a prize you didn't even know you were in the running for.  Life has it's ups and downs, but it's those unexpected plot twists, which often could be referred to as reversed expectations, that keep things interesting and often push us to try one more time because really, anything can happen.

Following a Disjointed Path

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I've always chuckled whenever that question is asked.  Why do I chuckle?  Well, when I was a little kid and all my friends wanted to be firemen, astronauts, ballerinas, or actors I wanted to be that voice on TV that says, "Warning!  This program contains mature subject matter.  Viewer discretion is advised."  As you can probably guess, I wasn't really the typical kid.

But in all seriousness, the question regarding what a person wants to be when he/she grows up, and the pursuit of figuring the answer out, is really important.  And by the time I turned 21 I thought I finally knew the answer.

Within my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all young men and young women have the opportunity to serve missions.  These missions last for 18-24 months, and are entirely volunteer.  The person going on the mission pays their own way and spends 24/7 giving service and sharing our beliefs with anyone that is interested to learn.  Well, a year after my car accident, I began my mission.  I served in the Canada Edmonton Mission from 2008 - 2010 where I spent the majority of my time in small towns 2-6 hrs north of Edmonton (and yes, I'm Canadian, and so travelling distances are measured in time).  I had the privilege of spending a lot of my time working with individuals on First Nation's reserves, and truly came to love the people in that part of the country as I served and taught and learned with them.  At the end of my mission, as I returned home, I thought I finally had an answer to what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I had a path forward to achieve it.

I was going to be a criminal profiler.

And my path forward was to get a Bachelors degree from the University of Ottawa, majoring in both Psychology and Criminology.  I had read every book by John Douglas (i.e., Journey Into Darkness, Obsession, etc.), a pioneer in the field of criminal profiling, and I thought I was ready to jump in with both feet.

But, I had forgotten about the impact of my car accident.  I don't mean to sound boastful, but before my car accident I was brilliant.  In high school my mandate was that if it didn't get done in class, it didn't get done.  In those days studying for a test/exam was accomplished during a 1 hour review the night before, and nothing more.  And that actually worked.  In almost every class I had high 90s, and the others weren't far below that mark.  After my accident, well, that's another story entirely.  I was now studying hours every day for a week before tests/exams and getting grades 10% lower than I had ever seen before in my life.  It was definitely a wake-up call!

And to make matters worse, my lowest grades were in my criminology courses.  

It's kind of hard to say you'd make a good criminal profiler when you barely squeezed in a passing grade for every criminology course you ever took.

So, what I wanted to be when I grew up needed to make a rather abrupt change in direction.  My expectations were reversed, or at least rerouted, and I decided to focus on my first major: Psychology.  I was now going to be a Clinical Psychologist.

Knowing that the number of students that pursue a degree in Psychology is extremely high, I decided to maintain a double major to try and set myself apart.  But, with criminology off the table, I transitioned to English as my second major since I was already taking English literature courses as my electives to help raise my GPA.  I thought I was in a good position, and moved forward believing that my detoured path was now on track for success.

I succeeded in graduating with honours, but not quite with the grades necessary to pursue the postgraduate programs required to be a Clinical Psychologist.  You see, I found out that almost every Psychology exam is in multiple choice format.  And, for some reason, my brain no longer does well with multiple choice.  I remember my one professor for Abnormal Psychology had a very novel way of grading.  The first midterm was in the standard multiple choice format, but the second had options: multiple choice, written paper, verbal presentation.  I chose the verbal presentation, and it really emphasized that I knew what I was talking about despite my poor grade in the first midterm.  If I remember correctly, in the first midterm I scored in the low 60s whereas I received a grade in the high 90s for the second.  Seeing this discrepancy really helped me reconsider my opinion of myself.

It's not that I didn't know the material, it's just that my brain no longer worked in the same way that it had.

But regardless of the reason, I knew that I wouldn't make the cut when applying to any clinical psychology program in the country.  It's a very competitive field, and though my grades were a bit better than what could be classified as 'bad', they most definitely weren't 'good'.  So, I graduated into a state of not knowing.  I didn't know what my next steps were, based on my limitations I no longer knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I didn't have a job to provide for my new wife and step-daughter.  It was a very interesting time in my life, and the lives of those in my family.

To make a long story short, after working at a part-time job for a few months, someone in my network introduced me to their manager regarding a contract position.  He was working with the Government department, Employment and Social Development Canada, and they needed someone to assist with rolling out the newly released standard for Psychological Health & Safety in the Workplace.  Based on my Psychology background, and proficiency in writing and editing, my friend thought I'd be a good fit.  I got the job, and then proceeded to move from one contract position in the Government to another for the next two years.  I progressed from working on rolling out a psychological standard to preparing government officials to report before committees, and then moved on to policy development, rewriting memorandums of understanding and departmental guidelines, and landed on process and procedure creation and improvement.

As I neared the end of my fifth contract, and didn't have another lined up, I was a little concerned about where this already disjointed path would take me.  But again, someone in my network heard about what I was doing in the government and was aware of an opening at his place of work that aligned with that area of expertise.  So, I started my career at TELUS, and haven't looked back.  I'm now a Certified Process Improvement Specialist, and am really enjoying the work that I do.

I don't know what the next twist or turn on this disjointed path will take me, and I'm still trying to figure out what I really want to be when I grow up, but the reversed expectations I've experienced along this path thus far have led me to where I am, which, in my opinion, is a pretty great place to be.

Gratitude Post - March 3, 2023

I'm grateful for self-created memories!

Have you ever been told a story from before you can remember?  And then, once it's been told to you time and time again, you're able to suddenly remember your own version of it?  I know I have some of these "memories", and I sometimes have to remind myself that what I think I remember is just an active imagination.

I'm grateful for these false or fictional memories because it highlights the inherent strength, and resulting weakness of the mind.  Our mind is so strong that it can convince itself that something is real, like an imagined memory.  Inherent in that is the weakness of losing sight of reality and potentially trying to force others to adhere to this new version of truth.  And though self-created memories from before we can remember is most likely an innocent form of this phenomenon, the very existence of these false memories invites us to remember that lying to ourselves can have dire consequences, especially when we no longer remember it as a lie.  And for me, that invitation is something to be grateful for.

Gratitude Post - March 2, 2022

I'm grateful for daydreams!

Daydreams, the foolish imaginations of our subconscious or unthinking mind.  But in and of itself, the term is a reversed expectation.  Dreams are expected to be welcomed into our lives through our sleeping hours, while daydreams come when we're wide awake.

Well, I for one am grateful for these reversed expectational dreams.  I used to enjoy regular dreams (of a nighttime variety) prior to my car accident.  And as luck would have it, I found myself to be a lucid dreamer.  If I didn't like what was happening, I changed it.  But then I got in a car accident, my brain got jostled around a bit, and "goodbye dreams"!  But I can still allow myself the indulgence of a daydream from time to time.  It's not quite the same thing, but it's a wonderful, momentary break from reality for a moment or two that I'm definitely grateful for.

Gratitude Post - March 1, 2023

I'm grateful for weather folklore!

Specifically, I'm referring to the saying associated with the month that today is the beginning of: March.  And the saying is ...

If March comes in like a lion, it goes out like a lamb, and vice versa.

This statement sets expectations like no other, and most expectations open the door for reversals of them.  I remember as a child looking forward to a beautiful closing to the month of March when it came in with a blustery, wintry storm.  And when it came in with beautiful spring weather, I always expected the worst as the final weeks drew near.  The reversal of that childlike faith in the expectations inherent in this statement of folklore made me second guess other statements that would regularly be accepted without question.  And really, that's what I'm grateful for that came out of this simple statement, the natural inclination to second guess.  This critical thinking, and willingness to ask additional questions are traits that have led to my success in my career.  And it all started with a reversed expectation.